


You only get one lifetime

by clockwork_spider



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 08:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockwork_spider/pseuds/clockwork_spider
Summary: It was a split moment decision, and instinct took over. Soowon placed himself between Hak and an enemy's blade.Thankfully, Yun's a doctor.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do you ever think about the fact that Soowon couldn’t move a muscle when Hak charged at him but instinctively drew his sword when he saw Hak in danger cause I think about that a lot
> 
> Alternative title: YOLO

“How is he?” Hak asked the moment Yun set foot outside the tent. 

“Still unconscious,” Yun answered a tight frown across his face, “He should be stable, but has lost a lot of blood. We’ll have to wait and see.” 

It was just their luck that Yun is the best doctor in the near vicinity, otherwise, Kouka would already be without a king. 

At some point, perhaps Hak would have wished for that. 

“Are you okay?” Yun asked, concern on his face. 

Hak didn’t know how to answer it, didn’t know how to answer the Princess’s concerned stare and gentle, reassuring hand. So instead he just said, “I’d like to see him.” 

It was strange that he asked, that he felt the need to ask. 

Yun still looked concerned. 

“Listen, Thunder Beast,” Yun said, looking away, slightly awkward, “I… don’t know what went on between Yona and the King. He hurt her, but he also saved your life. I… heard you use to be friends. I would never know how you and Yona feel… but… well… you only get one lifetime.” 

While Yun was the youngest amongst them, he had, perhaps, seen more deaths than Hak himself. His advice probably came from experience, and Hak appreciated it. “Thanks, Yun.” He patted Yun on the head, and made an attempt to smile. 

Yun didn’t stop him from going in, then. 

As soon as he entered, Joodoh’s hands flew to his swords. Yona stood up. Hak glared back at the general, before sitting down, a good distance away from Soowon. “I’m not here to hurt him,” he said. 

“Get out,” said Joodoh. 

“This is our tent,” Hak answered curtly, he had no patience for the traitor. His hatred was for Soowon, but those who participated in the coupe, he held every single one of them responsible. 

Joodoh settled back down, still glaring, hands still on his swords. 

He could glare all he likes, Hak didn’t care. Instead, he nodded at Yona, showing that he was calm before turning his attention back to Soowon. 

Soowon’s skin was pasty, his breathing shallow. His face, alarmingly pale, was set to a pained frown. Hak wasn’t sure whether he was worried or grateful that Soowon appeared to be unconscious, but at least Soowon wasn’t trying to talk to him.

He wouldn’t know what to say to Soowon. 

The scene played out in his head. He lost his balance, and an enemy was there to strike him from behind. He turned but knew he wasn’t fast enough, and braced for the blade. Time slowed as he realized, this was the end. And then Soowon was there, a flash of white robe and sword, cutting the man down before falling, clutching his shoulder–

_Why did Soowon do that?_

It didn’t make sense. Soowon was not someone who would act so recklessly. It didn’t matter that they had a common enemy at the time. Soowon should have known better. He was the King of Kouka. He could not afford to die protecting a fugitive. Was Soowon not someone who had trampled over their small world for the sake of the kingdom? For some unforeseeable larger goal? He wasn’t someone who would give up on his goals. 

It didn’t make sense. The Soowon he knew…

But had Hak ever known Soowon at all?

He wasn’t sure. Never was. 

Soowon, whose eyes were always set on the sky. He used to think of the boy as a friend, an enemy, a traitor… He didn’t know anymore. 

“Hak… sorry…” His thoughts were interrupted by Soowon’s unconscious murmuring, and he’s suddenly aware of both Yona and Joodoh’s eyes on him. The air in the room became even heavier than it was before. 

“I’m sorry, Hak… I’m sorry…” The phrase was repeated several times, like a mantra, each time the room grew smaller and smaller. 

Yona stood up, “I’ll go get some water,” and left. 

Joodoh continued to attempt murder through glaring. 

Hak didn’t move.  _He_  wasn’t the one Soowon needed to apologize to. It wasn’t  _his_  father that Soowon killed. Soowon knew that. 

Yun’s words rang in his head,  _“you only get one lifetime.”_

“I’m sorry, Hak,” Soowon repeated again. This time, his eyes fluttered open. They stared right at him but seemed unfocused, bleary, “I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

A flash of anger coursed through his veins like lightning. He didn’t want to hear these words. Not from Soowon. Did he think apologies would be worth anything at this point? He wanted to drag Soowon by the collar and scream. He wanted Soowon to hurt–

The sight of Soowon, injured, weak, stopped him. He remembered Soowon, standing between himself and the enemy’s sword. 

“Your majesty!” Joodoh was by Soowon’s side in an instant. 

Soowon blinked, blearily, turning his eyes to Joodoh, before distress seeped into his voice. “I’m sorry, Joodoh, I can’t kill Hak. I can’t…” 

“Stop talking!” Joodoh snapped. And now it was Hak’s turn to glare. 

“Rest, don’t talk,” he chided in a much gentler tone. 

That was the point Yona came in with water and promptly walked out without a word when she noticed Soowon awake. 

Hak stood to follow her, but was stopped by a quiet “Don’t leave.” 

Hak stared in mute horror as Soowon struggled to get up despite Joodoh’s protest. “Hak,” Soowon said, with hoarse voice and an outstretched hand. There was a desperation in his voice Hak has never heard before, and it terrified him. “Please don’t leave. Please don’t…” 

He remembered a younger Soowon, hands outstretched, saying “you’re so close, but I feel like I could never reach you.” He remembered leaving, and leaving, and leaving… 

If he could just pretend this was back then, before Soowon’s betrayal, before Soowon raised his sword at Yona, before Hak failed to kill him, before Soowon saved Hak’s life. If, for just a moment, he could just pretend they were still friends, and the world was okay… 

Hak lowered his forehead against Soowon’s, and enclosed Soowon’s cold, trembling fingers into his own, and lied, “Rest, Lord Soowon, I won’t leave you.” 

He remembered, a younger Soowon, eyes set to the sky, seemingly light as a feather, reaching, searching for something Hak couldn’t see and lied “I won’t ever leave you.” 

He held onto Soowon’s hand until Soowon fell asleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was a split second decision. 

A sword, aimed at Hak's back. Hak was turning, but his balance was off. He wouldn't make it in time to block it. 

_Hak will die there._

In that moment, King Soowon wasn't thinking of whether he could block the attack unscathed, wasn't thinking of the consequences for Kouka if he dies. In fact, he wasn't thinking of much at all. All he knew was this. _If I don't step in, Hak would die._

And that was unacceptable. 

It occurred to him, a bit too late, when the pain began to spread across his chest, when the world started spinning around him, that he couldn't afford to die. Not yet. Not when Kouka still needed a king. Not before their goals are achieved. 

But Hak's arms were around him, and for some reason, for some reason... Despite everything, as the world faded around him, he was glad Hak was safe. 

* * *

Yona was crying. The small bundle of warmth and smile was crying. He had to comfort her. But Hak stood in his way. Hak was glaring at him. He must have done something wrong again. He never wanted to see her cry. 

What did he do wrong?

 _Ah, that's right,_ he looked down at the bloody sword in his hand,  _I killed her father._

And suddenly they were back to their adult selves. 

Hak's glare turned venomous, thunder and storm, as he stalked towards Soowon, killing intent in his eyes. But something was stopping him, holding him back, dragging him down. 

It was his fault. He was the one who had hurt Yona. He was the one who made Hak this way. 

Joodoh's voice rang in his head. He raised his sword, the same sword tainted with the blood of King Il. Hak dropped to the ground. 

"This was your fault," he said, with his dying breath, "You. Only you. I would never forgive." 

"I'm sorry, Hak," Soowon said, "I'm sorry that I hurt you."

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

* * *

 

When he opened his eyes, Hak was still there. Glare trained on him. 

"I'm sorry, Hak," he repeated, feeling that it needed to be said, "I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"Your majesty!" It was Joodoh's voice that answered him. Joodoh... 

 _Ah. That's right._ He had to kill Hak. Hak was an enemy now. He couldn't afford to dwell on his feelings. He had to...

Hak, laying in a pool of blood. _You, only you._

Hak's death was unacceptable. 

“I’m sorry, Joodoh," he explained. He had promised. He promised. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't. "I can’t kill Hak. I can’t…” 

"Stop talking!" Joodoh shouted, but then Yona came in, and left, and Joodoh was saying something Soowon couldn't focus on, because Hak was leaving, off to follow Yona, to take his rightful place by her side. He was leaving, going somewhere Soowon couldn't reach, and Soowon had no right to ask this of him, he had no right to ask Hak of anything, but his mind was screaming "Hak, don't leave." 

And even with an outstretched hand, he still couldn't reach him, still couldn't move. 

 _Please don't leave. Please don't go. I want you by my side. Please don't go–_  

And perhaps he had said it out loud after all, because Hak had stopped, returned, and said “Rest, Lord Soowon, I won’t leave you.” 

He was close, close enough for Soowon to feel the heat of his breath, touch of his forehead against his own, the warmth of his hand. Hak was there. Hak was by his side. 

“I won’t ever leave you.” 

His vision blurred with tears. He wanted to say 'thank you' but his throat was tight and his voice wouldn't work. But he was happy, he was so happy... 

Hak was there, by his side, alive, breathing, and they were safe. 

* * *

 

When Soowon woke up again, his head was no longer foggy, and Hak was no longer there.

He remembered, asking something very selfish from Hak, pulling Hak away from Yona. He hoped it was a trick of his mind. Hak had made his choice long ago, and he had made his. It would have been pointless to beg for his hand. It would have been cruel. 

He could still remember, the heat of Hak's hand around his own. 

_"I won't ever leave you."_

He hoped, that too, was a trick of his mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in case it's not clear... the middle part is a dream sequence.

**Author's Note:**

> I will justify Soowon’s extra clingy behaviors to him being delirious from blood loss.


End file.
